As I read Onward by Elena Aguilar I thought I was reading about my life. I was caught off guard reading her story. I felt as though she must of knew me from afar. I too curled upon the floor crying unable to help make sense of my mother’s death. How do I make sense of a strong, healthy woman dying of cancer?
I thought of you today.
You told me happiness lies within when you take care of yourself. You showed compassion. Tears balanced on the edge. I struggled with the shame. I should have known better.
I thought of you today.
You’re not here to hold me in your arms to remind me that I am compassionate. You’re not here to remind me how proud you are of who I am.
I thought of you today.
I held my heart and reminded myself of your warm smile as we celebrated my successes along life’s path. I held my heart and reminded myself as you looked over me through smooth and bumpy roads. I reminded myself how much you love me.
You’re not here today to remind me. So I will cast the compassion I deserve and tell myself that I am a better human being because of your compassion first cast upon me. For today, I will release the shame and understand the guilt. I love you and did my best with what I knew.
I too would gladly return the lesson for another day with you. That isn’t going to happen. So, I will continue to share the compassion on myself and others. It is where true happiness resides. For today I know better, so I do better.
Jots of Jibber by Joan 
This piece is beautiful… self compassion, mothering yourself, taking good care along the way. It resonated with me… thank you.
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This is a lovely tribute to your mother. I like the emphasis you made about why you thought about her today. It reminded me of my mother and will write a tribute to her too. Be guided by the love, care and compassion she bequeathed to you.
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I am. I’m sure your mother has enriched your life. Your words reflect a great woman.
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